Joy Keeps Finding Me - written in 2014
God I wish you had arms sometimes / So you could reach down and hold me / Cuz I know you’re there but I can’t feel it / And maybe needing to feel is weak but / I’m only human // Joy keeps finding me In the strangest places / Stopping and staring and remembering what grace it / I don’t know why you’re burdening me with this / With sleepless nights and daily fights / With lies to stay alive / But it’s worth it / Some way, somehow / I can’t explain it now / But it’s worth it // Chorus // I’ve been living my life with baited breath / Hoping my dreams coming true will be what happens next / Instead comes unexpected pain / And new suffering / Every day’s a battle no one knows about // Chorus // Your love feels like a scourge / This valley like a gorge / Where are you leading me / You said this burden is light but my back is breaking / But maybe love grows / When we follow where you go / And trust there’s a heart behind this pain / Surrender expectations / Let go of hesitations / And just fall // Chorus // When I’m coming apart / I can’t try and control / Can’t be strong on my own / Just have to trust that you know / That joy will find me
Hurts and Battle Wounds - written in 2014
Feel like a ghost of myself / An empty shell / Of what I long to be / Pretend to be / Happy / So much to get done / When I just wanna run / Away from it all / Guess I’m too emotional / Take things way too personal / These feelings are negotiable / Oughta be more sociable / Keep your head up and it’ll calm down / That’s what they say / So I get lonelier and lonelier each day // Praise a God who saves / Who isn’t afraid of hurts and battle wounds / He has them too / Praise a God who walks among us / Talks as one who has / Suffered the same pain / Praise a God who doesn’t turn away // God have mercy on a weary soul / Trying so hard to make my spirit whole / Seeking you so desperately / Throw myself at your loving feet / Oh, God, I’m weary / Why don’t you come / Can’t do this on my own / Write the answers on / My heart of stone // Chorus // Wish I had it all together / Didn’t get so thrown by this stormy weather / But I don’t want to be burden / So I hide behind this curtain / And I slowly drift away
The Great Unknown
Pardon the awful picture...I wrote this song about the difficulty of transition and setting off on a new path in life. I think it also just generally captures the struggle of being an extra-sensitive person too. I actually wrote a blog post about the situation I was in as I was writing this song, which you can read here.
I feel so small / In this cavernous hall / This world is so big / Its weight could snap this mere twig of a girl / All of these people rushing around / I start to cry if I set foot out of town / How can I make it on my own // I'm a fragile thing / Handle with care / I've got a thin skin / It's a sharp world out there / How can I make it on this road / All alone / Out in the great unknown // They say I'm something special / Tell me I've got a gift / But when I look around me / Seems like I just don't fit / Keep comparing myself / Always come up short / No matter how you count it / Don't make the leaderboard // Chorus // Saw a man today / I was captured by the light in his face /But I've locked up my heart / You'll go down in flames if you let a fire start / Caught a glimpse of a dream today / But I've hoped before and then been made to pay / I know it's a long shot / But these days seems hope is all I've got // Chorus // So alone / Cuz you don't know / How to make it on your own / So confused / What if I lose / Everything I know / Afraid to hope / Cuz you don't know / How to make it on this road
Those are the songs that pertain most closely to mental health, but I also have other songs about faith, heartbreak, and all that good stuff that I think most people can relate to. You can hear them here.
If you have music you've written about your own struggle with mental illness, feel free to comment and share the lyrics or audio/video or use the contact form on the right sidebar. Thank you for listening!