Thursday, October 20, 2016

Sick and tired.

I'm tired tonight. Not just physically, but in, like, every way possible. I'm sure you've felt the same way before. Overwhelmed. Burnt out. Treading water. Running on a constant treadmill of doing work, answering emails, meeting with friends.

I'm tired of putting all this time and effort into work I don't care about while neglecting the projects that matter to me.

I'm tired of never getting all I need to done, never being able to throw away a to-do list because some new thing is always getting tacked on.

I'm tired of being underappreciated, especially by friends, after I pour so much time and heart into friendships and get so little in return. Tired of dropping everything to be there for people when they're hurting only to have them send a few measly words my way when I need the same support.

I'm tired of seeing other people get awards, attention, and praise when I do better work.

I'm tired of being ignored and overlooked.

Stuck in a never-ending forest of tireds.
I'm tired of hearing hate all the time, of reading hate everywhere I go on the Internet. I'm tired of the insensitivity. I wish we could all just open our eyes to the hurt in others' hearts and make the effort to imagine what it would be like to walk in their shoes. I am sick and tired of judgment and hate.

I'm tired of trying to figure out if other people appreciate me. Tired of trying to market myself and figure out how to package myself in a way that is appealing, not posting too much or being too annoying or too ugly or too fat. I just want to be me and not worry what others think. I just want to be me and be accepted.

I'm tired of Facebook (probably because of the aforementioned point).

I'm tired of crushing on people who couldn't care less.

I'm tired of being single (and terrified to mingle).

I'm tired of realizing I'm doing life wrong.

I'm tired of overthinking.

I'm tired of underappreciating myself and others. Tired of being selfish and cynical.

I'm tired of living with my family sometimes, but I also know I'd hate to live without them.

I'm tired of watching friendships die. Tired of having to let people go because they hurt me too much with their lack of investment.

I'm tired of having to make my own decisions. Of not doing what to do with certain situations.

I'm tired of figuring out what to make for each meal. And I'm tired of not being thankful for each meal that I get to eat.

I'm tired of dragging myself from day to day, feeling like I can never get a break but knowing that I'm the one who needs to make time for a break for myself. I guess we all, deep down, want someone to just take care of us once in a while.

Feeling trapped in a life that's always being chosen for you.
I'm tired of feeling like I don't have a voice or people don't care about what I have to say.

I'm tired of worrying when everything always turns out fine.

I'm tired of being sad when there's so much to be joyful about.

I'm tired of being so hard on myself when there's so much about me to celebrate.

I'm tired of looking to other people to validate myself and I'm exhausted from worrying about whether I did X or Y wrong and upset or offended somebody.

I'm tired of missing opportunities to experience the beauty of life because I'm afraid to diverge from my every day route and doing something different.

I'm tired.

Maybe you're tired too.

I guess the good thing is we're not alone.

And maybe someday soon we'll get to pause for breath.

Sometimes it's nice to just get everything on your mind out in the open. Sometimes it's nice to just admit that you're tired and things might look better in a new day.

This is my favorite photo I've ever taken. It reminds me that the future is
wide open, full of possibility and hope. And there's a lot of beauty to
enjoy along the way.

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